I did not move past Round 3. In Round 3, the top 3 stories moved on to the final round 4. While I did not move past this round, there were 5 honorable mentions for each group, and within my grouping I did receive an honorable mention. (Although I think it is to note that I was the very last honorable mention – so 8th overall, I guess?)
In this particular round, the genre was fairy tale, the location was a row boat, and the object was a podium. I wasn’t sure how closely I stayed within the confines of a fairy tale, and I really felt the limits of 1000 words within this story so it is quite choppy. I do like some of the ideas for a fantasy setting, and have considered actually expanding upon the world I’ve potentially started to build here.
This was also another story shot out last minute, this time due to general busyness, laziness, and uncertainty at how to handle the tale, although the basic idea of the first scene was always there in my mind.
So here is my final entry for the NYC Flash Fiction challenge, that definitely needed many more words to be fleshed out: “The Stormlord’s Bride”
A Stormlord lived under their lake. When the sign presented itself, the summer solstice ended with a ceremony in which the Stormlord would choose his bride from amongst the young women of the surrounding villages. Denying him would bring calamity, hard winters and dry summers and death. Stormlords were often responsible for such natural phenomena, and their tempers were legendary – that the local Stormlord could be so easily appeased was actually considered a blessing.
The elders had seen the sign for the first time in many years. And Teayani was old enough to participate in the ceremony. Though she did not wish to marry, she did not think that she would be chosen. She donned the traditional raiment and set out in her rowboat. Around her, other boats dotted the surface of the lake, each carrying a girl. Teayani had spent much of her time on the lake and had no trouble pulling ahead of the others.
The center of the lake was marked by a stone podium raising out of the water. Teayani chose to stop a respectful distance away and shivered slightly as she looked at it. She had never seen the podium emerge from the water – it had never happened in her lifetime. Though dark from the water, it was unusually clean – no algae greened the rough stone, no tendrils of water plants hung from its edges. As night darkened the sky, other boats surrounded the podium. Teayani could hear chatter and a little laughter. She was not particularly close to anyone, so she kept away from the others.
The chatter and laughter all died as the priestess called for silence, leaving only the sound of oars sloshing water and boats bumping against each other. Teayani did not know her – she was from another village. Only the youngest priestess was required to be at the ceremony – priestesses took vows of celibacy and were exempt from the ritual, but one had to be present to lead. It became strangely quiet and still on the water – at the priestess’s direction, each girl lit the paper lantern she had brought. The priestess sang an old song in an old language and when she finished, she released her lantern. Other lanterns rose into the sky after. Teayani released her own, watching it float up and swirl and mingle with the others. The lanterns seemed to grow smaller. Teayani heard a sudden gasp from a nearby boat, and frowned as she realized why – the lanterns had actually changed into small lights. The lights began to move in tandem as they descended. The priestess was singing again.
Every girl present held her breath. They had all been told what to do, but had not been told how the choice would be made. As the lights danced amongst them, Teayani knew – whoever the lights landed on would be the Stormlord’s bride. She closed her eyes. The chosen was supposed to climb upon the stone podium and descend to her new husband in the depths. Teayani felt a dread settle in the pit of her stomach – through her closed lids, she could tell that the light was growing stronger around her. She felt flushed. When she opened her eyes, she was blinded by the light. It was as though every point had settled upon her and her boat.
Teayani grasped for her oars. The priestess cut her song short as she saw that Teayani was going the wrong way, shouted a warning instead. “You’ll doom us all!” Then you marry him, Teayani thought to herself, using all her strength to row away.
She couldn’t see through all the light, but she rowed, and soon the shouts and cries of the girls behind her fell away, the yelling of the priestess fell away, and the only sound was the sound of the lights – a buzz that dominated all her senses. She rowed and rowed and began to feel hopeless. She had rowed across this lake so many times before. She knew she should have made it to shore already, and yet… she continued to row.
The light faded, the buzzing stopped. Teayani blinked as her eyes readjusted. The first thing she noticed was that the water smelled wrong. Less like her familiar lake and more like… brine. She turned, trying to see land, but all around was only water – and nearby, a stone podium, thrust out amongst the waves.
Shaking her head, she rowed the boat away from the podium. After what seemed like almost an hour, her boat hit something, jostling her. Turning, she saw that it was the podium. Shivering from the cold sea wind, she pushed an oar against the podium, set out in another random direction. Time and time again, she came upon the podium, thrust out above the dark water, waiting for her. After a time, she leaned against the side of her boat and wept, letting her tears fall into the water.
A cold hand reached up and brushed at her cheek. Teayani gasped, staring down into gold, glittering eyes, pale skin, dark hair that blended with the sea. “Instead of marrying the Stormlord, you could join us,” a sweet voice rang out from the water. Teayani glanced at the podium, and then back at the water.
“Join you?” she croaked, her voice hoarse.
“All mermaids are would-be brides,” the voice responded, and the figure pulled closer – the beautiful features of a young woman became illuminated by the moonlight.
“But what about my village?” Teayani asked. “The Stormlord will punish them if I refuse him.”
“And yet, you were running,” the mermaid crooned. “Come with us. We’ll show you how to be free.” Teayani had heard the stories of mermaids before. She knew they wanted to drown her. But she didn’t see that she had a choice. She stood and turned in her boat, looking out across the waves, seeing more dark figures, more glittering eyes, all surrounding her – watching, waiting. She jumped.
She learned to breathe again.
The Judges’ comments:
WHAT THE JUDGES LIKED ABOUT YOUR STORY – {1908} I love the worldbuilding details you include hear, from the Stormlords to the lantern in the ceremony. I also love the image of Teayani rowing yet never reaching a destination. It feels like a wonderfully fantastical world. {1825} I really like the world-building here. The idea of appeasing the Stormlord through marriage is a unique concept for a fairy tale, but is similar enough to some myths to feel right for the genre. {1939} This is beautifully written, and I completely empathize with Teayani. I like that the ending implies hope, that the mermaids do not destroy her, but make her one of their own. WHAT THE JUDGES FEEL NEEDS WORK – {1908} I’d be interested to hear more about the mermaids and the darker parts of the water earlier on. Even just another earlier mention of the mermaids and/or previous would-be brides would help develop this a lot and make the stakes feel higher. {1825} I don’t get the ending. What does it mean that she learned how to breathe again? Does that mean that she died, or did she really become a mermaid? {1939} I know the writer is working with a word limit, of course, but I would have liked to have seen the Stormlord actually make an appearance, so that I could gauge what Teayani is actually running from.
I don’t know how quickly I’ll get back to this particular world, but of the three stories I did for this challenge, this is the one I want to build on the most in the future. We’ll see.
mehryment 